Sunday, April 5, 2015

Thoughts that go through every girl's head before swimming

Today I'm going swimming for the first time in my pregnancy, and if I'm honest, by a swim I mean a float. There will be no Michael Phelps style laps of the pool for me, more lying back, belly in the air trying to ignore the water going up my nose and convincing myself that this is the life.

It occurred to me this morning  that I have spent an irrational amount of time thinking about this float this week. By every girl in that heading I'm probably just referring to myself. No one can be this neurotic but I hope they are, because then I'll feel a lot better.

So here's a few of the thoughts that I have go through my head for the last few days, all of these on a recoccurring, in no particular order, loop.

  • The the obvious issue of defuzzing, but I'll spare everyone the mental image of that one

The ever present issue of typical Irish skin:
  • Do I need to tan? Yeah I'm a bit white, I don't want to scare people away/ have them think that there's a lunar eclipse happening in Cashel. I'll do humanity a favour and put some on. I'm such a considerate person.
  • If I put tan on do I need to exfoliate first? Probably, cakey tan is no bueno.
  • Ok, I'll exfoliate the night before and tan that morning, that way I don't have to sleep basking in the smell of burnt biscuits.
  • But - I'm feeling really lazy, I can't be arsed doing any of that. Ok, ok, do it all on the morning in a mad panic. It'll be graaaand.
  • Oh, but now I'll need to tan and then shower before swimming. No one wants to tango the pool. People will either think you've pissed yourself or that you're some creature from The Blue Lagoon.. (or orange lagoon in this case)
  • P.Diddy will have to do my back. Where's P.Diddy?? What does he MEAN he's making my breakfast?? I need him to do my back. How inconsiderate.
What do you with my hair...

  • My hair needs a wash
  • Do I want to get my hair wet in the pool? It's nice not having to worry about ruining it, it's also nice being able to stick your head under the water. Ok, I'll go with getting hair wet.
  • But .. but... does that mean leaving the gaff with hair like that? Oh.
  • Does this also mean I'll have to dry my hair when I'm away? Must factor in 30 minute for hairdrying. 
  • Now need to pack Instyler, hair grip, hair products.
  • Will the hotel have a decent hairdryer? Probably not, best pack that
  • *an extra 10kg of luggage now to be carried by the ever suffereing P.Diddy to the car*
Make up

  • Repeat entire process of hair questions swapped with to make up or not make up before swim
  • Decides not to make up, ain't nobody got time for mascara down face look because inevitably I wont have removed it properly in the room.
  • Again, do I have to leave the gaff like that so? Oh. 
Swim Attire

  • Luckily I can now avoid the 'is a bikini too slutty for a family hotel or should I embrace my inner aul one / Michelle Smith - DeBrun (showing my age much?) and wear a swimsuit?' debate. It's howiya Michelle for me.
  • It's a given that my belly is gonna look big in that, let's move on to obsessing over the size of your arse instead then.
Anything else?
  • Should I paint my toenails? Do they match my fingernails? Oh for fuck sakes, this is Cashel, not Cancun.

Total time spent thinking about swim: 4 hours 26 minutes
Total time spent in pool:  14 minutes.

Exhausted. If mental energy expended could be translated into physical energy I'd be a size 6. 

I need to get out more.

On a less neurotic note...

Just LOOK at the swimsuit we got for baba. 
*Heart melts and relaxes again*

No comments:

Post a Comment